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Disclaimer: These are going to be short because for what ever reason I've seen a couple within the last year and I am not rewatching them now. Plus, I still have to get the Great Mouse Detective and the Black Cauldron from a library.


THE FOX AND THE HOUND (1981)
This movie I watched over the summer, so I am not watching it again today. Mostly I don't want to cry over it. However, it is one of my favorites. It was so heartwarming and depressing and darling at the same time. The old widow adopts a Fox who she names Tod and he makes friend with the adorable puppy next door. However, the old man who owns him and his older dog doesn't like him and wants to get rid of him. When Tod gets older and injures the other dog, the widow must send him back to the woods. Eventually the old man goes off to hunt him in the woods, but both remember their childhood friendship and despite everything save each other. When the old Widow sets Tod (the fox) out in the woods and he can barely survive, it is so so so so so so so sad. He gets caught in the rain, Copper doesn't love him and anymore because he must hunt for the old man voiced by Charlie Bucket's grandpa Joe it is still even sadder. And puppy Copper is so cute and I wish they could have been friends forever but they can't because the old man is such a jerk off. This movie just has so much depth, compared to a lot of them. Copper is torn between doing what is right and what is requested of him. He remembers playing with Tod as a puppy but he knows that it is his nature and request by his owner to catch him. And then when his doggy mentor gets injured because of Tod, he is torn even more. This movie, although Tod and his pretty girlfriend end up together at the end is still sad because they can't be friends despite what has happened. It feels and probably is the only Disney movie with a bittersweet ending. Although Copper saves his life from his owner. Because Tod had saved his life. It is a wonderfully complicated movie, and I I could do without the comic relief actual, with the caterpillar and the goony birds.
VILLAIN DEATH: At the end of the film, the hunter and Copper are searching for Tod in the woods and actually disturb a bear. Copper attempts to fight it, but can't and then Tod comes and rescues him by getting the bear to fall off a cliff into the river below. So the bear definitely dies.


2:45 PM

THE BLACK CAULDRON (1985)
So this is the first Disney movie that I haven't seen. So everything is a surprise now! Well just this movie. So we got this on DVD. Because I am dedicated. And I am curious. I've never seen it because this movie was really unsuccessful in the theaters and therefore my mother didn't buy it for me. So we are introduced to the tale of a really evil king who had to be trapped in a black cauldron--I'm not sure if it was his powers or not. Geoffrey and I have already decided that this is some weird Harry Potter (they are taking the pig into the Forbidden Forest!) Lord of the Rings mashup. Anyway, we meet this boy and his old man. And the old man is obviously a wizard. Because he looks like one. And is old. And we are in the same setting as King Arthur by the medieval looks of it. So apparently the pig after freaking out during its bath is revealed to know where the black cauldron is. It can see visions. I don't know why. But whatever. OH look the old man is a wizard. And he tells the boy who I have no idea what his name is, to take the pig into the Forbidden Forest. And he loses the pig in like 5 seconds. But do get introduced to the horned king who is so BADASS. AND FUCKING SCARY. Did I mention this is the first PG Disney movie? IT IS FUCKING SCARY. And then in his search to find the pig we happen on a furry thing that is sort of a dog but weirder who sounds like Smeagol/Gollum. It is named Gurgi. And then Gurgi is the comic relief and then distracts Taran the boy from his search. And then the pig gets kidnapped by some dragons, surprise! So Taran follows the dragons to the super creepy castle where he happens upon a barbarian party at the castle with a super ugly skanky prostitute dancing. OMG. And then the horned king makes his epic entrance and requests the pig to tell him where the Black Cauldron is. The pig doesn't do it and Taran reveals himself and they almost behead the pig. But the pig doesn't do it anyway after its coerced and they run away until the pig gets away, but not the boy who gets thrown in the dungeon. And he is pretty much hopeless until a foxy princess shows up. And they find a sword (which turns out to be magic!). And a bard. And they do get away after a bit of hijinks. And almost death. Like axes at the head death. And I can't stand the horned king's green lackey. Maybe the horned king will kill him. Alas. No. So the dragons are sent off again. So the three-Taran, the bard, and the princess-hang out in the woods trying to regroup. Their names are all Welsh and I can't spell them. So they are going to be referred to as types. Because their characters aren't that interesting anyway. And then the princess and Taran fight because she is a stupid girl and he is a dumb boy and then she cries and then he feels guilty and then they apologize. And then Gurgi attacks the bard but then he finds the pig tracks. So I guess he is useful. In an annoying way. And then they follow him down into Ferngully. I am not even kidding. They go through some sort of watery portal and it spits them out into Ferngully. And they conveniently have the pig. They also find out where the cauldron is and set out on destroying it. And they are going to fly them all to find it. Which apparently is in a broken down house. With people turned frogs. And the cauldron is in a room full of cauldrons. Owned by three insane witches. One of witch (I meant which, but this typo is too good delete) is infatuated with the bard. And she has enormous cleavage. And the bard turned frog gets stuck in there. And the witches decide they want the sword and the cauldron. So they "bargain" for it. And Taran gives them the sword for the black cauldron. Because he is stupid. And they learn that the only way to destroy it is for one of them to climb in voluntarily. But then that person will die. Of course. But before they have a chance to commit suicide, they are captured by the horned king and friends. And then horned king, in all his creepy scary glory, puts a skeleton into the cauldron to create an undead army. And it really does send shivers down your back. And the three are still tied up so I am unclear how this is going to work out. Because it is obviously going to be a happy end. OH WAIT I FORGOT GURGI WASN'T CAPTURED. So he comes and sets the three free. So Taran decides he is going to throw himself into the cauldron, but Gurgi won't let him so he throws himself in. OH GOD. That is terrible. And then the horned king sees that the army has stopped. So he brings his weird green lackey with but in the end, the cauldron decides to eat the horned king and rip him into bones first. And it is sort of gross. And the green dude is thrilled. And Taran doesn't have sacrifice himself or be sacrificed. And then the three make a run for it as the castle is falling down because the cauldron has been destroyed and its bringing everything down with it. They conveniently find a boat and they escape but just barely, the castle literally blew up. And the stupid green dude didn't die. And after they escape the three insane witch sisters show up and want the cauldron back, so they want a trade and want Gurgi back, of course. And after almost trading for the sword, they do get Gurgi back. Who still looks kind of dead. Maybe his tears will bring him back to life. Man Gurgi took a long time to come back to life. And everybody is happy and it is all rainbows and Gurgi makes Taran and the princess kiss. And I don't think she is really a princess but I missed that plot point I think. OMG THERE WAS NO THE END. THIS IS THE FIRST ONE. Anyway, it was cute. Nothing too special. Could have been more epic. Mostly if they picked a more sexy animal. And Gurgi wasn't so irritating.
VILLAIN DEATH: The horned king gets eaten by the cauldron. It was pretty unfortunate.


6:45 PM

THE GREAT MOUSE DETECTIVE (1986)
So I have really high hopes for this movie. Like I've been wanting to see it for forever. Disney really likes mice. They are really into the little guys defeating evil forces. The Rescuers...the mouse in Aristocats...Cinderella...Dumbo...I have to analyze this some more, but the movie has started. Mickey is a mouse too. Anyway, it starts with a father and daughter and he is giving her an amazing wind up toy. Which is a pretty mouse ballerina. And then they are disturbed by EVIL! And he is kidnapped. So Watson AKA Dawson shows up and finds the daughter looking for Sherlock AKA Basil to help her find her father. Her name is Olivia. And she has an adorable accent. So Dawson takes her there. And Basil, because he is a genius and very observant knows that Dawson was in Afghanistan and medical officer. And Basil's entrance is quite hilarious and racist and Asian disguised. And we learn that he is ecentric. He agrees to find her father because he is linked to the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL Dr. Ratigan. And he is actually frightening in a mobster kind of way. Suave and sneaky. But scary. Olivia's (the adorable mouse girl) father was kidnapped to event something for her. And he doesn't want to, but Ratigan threatens her to be kidnapped as well. So he must do his bidding. Evil Ratigan. So then they have a party. With more alcohol. Because drunk people are funny. And we like to teach children about the wonders on alcohol as a child. Anyway, one of the mice calls Ratigan a rat. Which is a no-no. And so he feeds the really drunk mouse to the cat. And the cat totally eats him. IT IS SENSELESS. AND DEAD MOUSE AND HE IS THE EVILEST OF EVIL. And totally a mobster villain. And then they go back to the party. And then the scene shifts back to Basil, where they catch the bat spying on them and get a CLUE! IT'S A CLUE, IT'S A CLUE! And then get the faithful steed, the dog Toby, begins to sniff him out. Toby's owners are actually Sherlock Holmes and Watson. And they chase him down. And find a piece of the Carmen Note aka his shopping list. In a toyshop. With a dumbo music box. The bat captures Olivia (because it was hiding in a crib) and they make chase, but it proves to no avail. Dawson blames himself but he hands over the Carmen Note and they begin to aim for the rescue. Olivia is reunited with her father but it is short lived. And evil. To make her Dad work harder and faster. AND THEY TRAP HER IN A BOTTLE PRISON. SHE IS GOING TO SUFFOCATE. The bat is also fed to the cat for the losing the Carmen Note, but he is not very tasty and he spits him out because Ratigan wants to lure Basil there anyway. They investigate the C-Note and do some weird tests on it and learn...well I don't know but Basil does. So they figure out that the hideout is by the water. And go to the sleezy bar there. With a skanky barmaid of course. With mouse boobs. Sometimes the personification is a little much. And Dawson's disguise is terrible and hilarious. It is a too small first mate outfit, in the most stereotypical fashion ever. They attempt to blend terribly. And Basil asks about Ratigan and it is all GASP GASP GASP GASP. And then a musical number. With a sexy mouse. With a sexy song. And now the two are being poisoned. And she is also a burlesque dancer. And they answer is: Why not? Well Dawson has been drugged. But Basil is way to smart for that. And Dawson sucks at blending in and gets on stage with the sexy girl mouse who is probably going to help them out. And then a bar fight breaks out and they see the bat. And follow him to Ratigan. And they see Olivia in the bottle. But it is really the bat! SO SNEAKY DISNEY SO SNEAKY. And Ratigan humiliates and traps him. Poor Basil. He is so veruh sad. And Ratigan, because he is evil, wants to kill him in the evilest way possible. SO EVERYTHING HE THINKS OF. It is like the boardgame Mousetrap, only scarier. But Ratigan doesn't stay to watch, because he has to go become king of the English Empire or something. So Ratigan gives the Queen a gift, which is a robot that looks like the Queen. And they take the Queen away after he shows off the gift. Basil is moping because he got outwitted. And Dawson lifts his spirits. And he figures out how to get them out and it is quite fantastic and ends in a snapshot! Yay! And the Queen robot gives a speech while the real Queen is about to be fed to the cat. And Ratigan is the royal consul, just like Jafar. No he is the consort...meaning her hubby. EWWWWWWW. I wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole. Toby brings the three to Buckingham Palace and in the nick of time too. She is rescued. And Basil takes control of the robot and it freaks and explodes. Ratigan is revealed as evil and gets out and kidnaps Olivia. The Empire is saved however, so that's good. The dad, Dawson and Basil go after Ratigan in an air chase of hot air balloons. The bat is thrown overboard by Ratigan into the Thames. And Ratigan crash land into Big Ben. Basil goes in to investigate and there is Ratigan with Olivia in his hand as they gight in the clockwork. Which is some amazing animation. Olivia is almost squished. Olivia is barely passed to her father in the balloon and Ratigan and Basil fall. And it is now raining. And he keeps looking rattier and rattier. Ratigan knocks him off but Basil grabs onto the propeller of Ratigan's balloon. And Big Ben strikes Midnight and Ratigan falls. And is totally dead dead dead. And Basil, after we think he is dead. Is not dead. He uses the propeller to save himself. The movie ends, Basil asks Dawson to stay. Happily ever after. Best Friends For Ever. THE END. Man delightful and quality.
VILLAIN DEATH: The cat gets eaten by the royal dogs, the bat falls into the Thames, and Ratigan falls to his death from Big Ben.



OLIVER & COMPANY (1988)
So I also watched this movie recently, and it might have the best villain death ever. It is ok, and based off a book I've never read. But at least Billy Joel is the voice in this movie. So it can't be bad right? Well it is ok. It is kind of like the Rescuers, but with dogs and cats and less organization. And it is pretty silly. Basically a little girl gets kidnapped because her family is rich and the goon/hobo who gives her to the rich guy for ransom. So the animals including Oliver the kitten go off to save her. The Chihuahua is kind of the most hilarious and I still remember the line-"If this is torture, chain me to the wall" which I just knew in my heart. Because I obviously watched this movie a lot as a child. There is not a whole lot special about this movie except for that it takes place in New York and the chase scene at the end is epic. The villain is a rich mobster who wants monies and his evil pets are dobermans. So basically they break the little girl out and a chase happens and they get away and little Oliver gets 'dopted. It is cute, but somewhat forgettable.
VILLAIN DEATH: The dobermans fall off the top of a subway car and fry to death on the third rail. The mobster's car drives down into the subway to chase them and a train comes in the opposite direction off a bridge and they crash. THE VILLAIN DIES BY GETTING HIS LIMO RUN OVER BY A SUBWAY TRAIN. I LOVE YOU DISNEY.


8:10 PM

THE LITTLE MERMAID (1989)
Well, now we are really hitting my childhood. So I am alive I think by the time this one was released. Well a couple weeks. Anyway. I must have watched this a trillion times. I want her hair, I want her voice, I want her fins. Ariel is awesome and full of so much teen angst. She is too busy exploring to show up to Sebastian the Jamaican crab's concert. And they almost get killed by a shark, you know. It is cool. For a fork and a pipe. Which have awesome names to the seagull they show them too. The fork is really for us girls to do out hair. And the pipe, well that is a musical instrument. She gets reprimanded by Dad, and is le sad, so goes to her secret cave with all of that human shit. And sings the best song ever and I couldn't tear my eyes away from the song and the room. Oh man, I am so jealous. Ursula also shows up and bitches and moans about herself wasting away, but it is only foreshadowing. After her little musical number, she sees the ship and checks out hottie Prince Eric's birthday party. On a ship. With fireworks man. And Ariel is already in love. nd he is given a statue for his birthday. Which he doesn't like. And his grandpa is all passive aggressive and says, well it was supposed to be for your wedding. And he's like I'll know the right girl when she strikes like lightning. And then you know, it lightnings. And so he is all noble and goes to save the dog from the burning ship and gets himself drowned. But Ariel already loves him, so she saves his ass. And she brings him to shore and sings to him and he sees her sort of and is in love too. Because he just KNOWS. And she goes away. And pines pines pines. And Ursula is all scrying and is going to deceive her, wah ha ha. And turn her into an ugly flower in her garden. Eww. And then a musical number happens, and it is awesome. But Ariel doesn't think so. And runs off with flounder who has magically dragged in the Eric statue for her. But her Dad shows up and is enRAGEd. And destroys EVERYTHING. And Ariel is so sad and TEEN ANGST. ASo she and she gets lured over to Ursula. Who makes the deal via musical number. And is it full of a lot of sexual innuendo. And she really really really wants to be human/with Eric. She signs her life away, literally. Three days and no voice. And immediately she has legs and almost drowns. And gets all washed up naked on shore. Eric finds her, the dog is like LOOK HERE IS YOUR GIRL! And he is like no, she can't sing. Not the girl I was looking for. *eye roll* And so he brings her back to the castle and cleans her up. And the wash ladies gossip and Sabastian gets all separated. She is socially awkward at dinner and the two the next day go on a super date which culminates in the song, KISS THE GIRL. And it is awesome. And they almost kiss and Ursula's creepy eels push the boat over. The next day Ursula in sexy dark form with the voice shows up and literally bewitches Eric, and they are like WEDDING NOW. And Ariel is sad. But the bird (Who is awesome and such) finds out that it is Ursula and the dog is all angry and the birds attack and steal the shell that is giving Ursula Ariel's voice. Ariel gets it back briefly, Eric is unhypnotized. BUT IT IS TOO LATE AHHHHHH. She gets fins. And Eric is all what? But its ok because he loves her and goes after her in the little lifeboat. Which doesn't really work because she is under the sea. *cymbals* Anyway. Triton shows up and his NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH! But that doesn't work so trades his soul for Ariel. And Ariel is all like don't kill Eric, whatever dad. And Eric and Ursula duke it out after she goes all megatron. And then Eric impales her with a ship. And she dies and everybody is restored. And then they get married. THE END (only no the end at the end. It is the end of the end I think.)
VILLAIN DEATH: The eels get zapped by the tritan. And as I said, Ursula gets impaled by a ship.


HEY THE 90'S FINALLY!

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